I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
