The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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