she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
