I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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