i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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