I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
