I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
