when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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