I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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