mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
