I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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