how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
