Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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