Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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