Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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