either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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