apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
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i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
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She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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