I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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