Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize