Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
