i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
