It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
