thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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