she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
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My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
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I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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