So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
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just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
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He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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