....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
