Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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