Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
