The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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