but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
