You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
