The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
