She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
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We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
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Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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