You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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