saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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