OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
