One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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