Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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