She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
