ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
