I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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