I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
