remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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