Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We have started to decorate penises.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
