took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
