But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
