I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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