i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize