I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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