Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
