I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
