I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
