Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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