i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
