it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests