Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important