We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.