I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
this will be a night to untag.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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