My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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