I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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