Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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