There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
