She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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