i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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