yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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