Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
