i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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