Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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