We're facebook friends in real life
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
