Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
