she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
