just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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