Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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