I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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