I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
