I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have feelings that need drinking.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
