lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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