the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
